Playing for Keeps

In my 31+ years of life, I don’t think I’ve ever been known as someone who is tidy, neat, nor organized with my physical spaces. It most certainly is something I can improve on, and it’s not unrealistic to say that this can apply beyond physical spaces, into my feelings, experiences, and thoughts. As such, let me compile my 2025 goals-in-review, 2026 goals, and a business update, all in one place, and say I can have a semblance of sanity as I move into this upcoming year.

The theme of my 2025 and really the past few years has been Agency. September 2025 saw me get my first and only tattoo. Ink spelling the Hebrew word “Timshel” in a font I no longer remember is embedded in my right wrist, reminding me that I have a choice in how I act. I choose to own the patience and irritability, the joy and anguish, the indecision and confusion, and my life as a whole. I also am working on receiving the grace, mercy, and love in self-healing behind all of those things.

2025 goals-in-review

  • Photography project capturing MTA conductors pointing at the signs

  • Photography of friends in boxes

Monthly passport pictures at Eliz Digital

DONE! I took a passport picture each month at my favorite film dev shop in Chinatown, just for fun. I plan to do it in 2026 as well, as I’ll note in my 2026 goals.

  • Video curating my fall outfits

  • More usage of B&W film photography

    • DONE! I didn’t shoot much this year, but I did use some B&W on my trip to Mongolia and photographing the 2025 Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium

  • Cooking/hosting monthly themed dinners with friends

    • 4 hosted dinners is not monthly, but I still enjoy having people over and cooking for them.

  • Surpass six figures in revenue with sportscards

    • Not even close. Took a step back with sportscards this year, but still holding my favorites and cornerstones of my collection.

  • Commit to a Core group through church

    • Meaning I actively, intentionally, and mindfully show-up at least 25 times over the year

    • DONE! I did show up to my Core Group on Thursday early mornings as much as I could, even if I was a little late. I’m thankful for the depth of conversation and roots of friendship that were established.

  • End the year in/having been in a romantic relationship

    • 50%! Definitely not in an established romantic relationship, but I went on more dates last year than I ever have, and I’m trying to hold space to be proud of how active I was in at least trying to pursue some things. There was a significant amount of personal growth in this area, so I’ll give myself a 1/2 mark.

  • Start, consistently use, and end the year on a GLP1, goal of losing 40 more pounds (already down 10!)

    • DONE! This one was pretty straightforward. I lost a lot of weight, and am in the process of regaining some healthy muscle and toning. That being said, I’m very pleased with how I showed up for myself physically in 2025. I was more mindful of my diet, working out, and am aware of how I feel, all compounding in an improved self-image. I will note that this took a lot of maintenance and I’m not sure how sustainable the progress is, but I’m proud that I am working to recognize my physical and athletic prime as a 31yo.

  • Find 20 instances of invested rejection throughout the year.

    • This means I’m challenging and pushing myself in things that matter

    • 50%! I actually didn’t keep track, but I’m fairly confident that I saw rejection in various ways and dealt with it as healthily as I could. That being said, it wasn’t easy, nor comfortable. There was a lot of growth, frustration, hurt, introspective questioning, grace, and more involved with this. I primarily saw rejection in romantic, career, and athletic pursuits.

  • Attend 4 black-tie events because dressing up is fun

    • DONE+++! Frick Young Fellows Ball, two black-tie weddings, NYPL Library Lions Gala, and a holiday party! Plus other formal events incl. Met Young Members Party, MoMA Summer Celebration, and two other weddings. Wow it was a lot of getting dolled up this year.

  • Mindfully use my Google Calendar to keep track of my life more

    • DONE! It’s been easier to force myself to rely on my calendar as I’ve become funemployed and while I wait for pilates to start up. This has also helped me to regularly schedule things like monthly calls with my Dad to discuss finances, monthly calls with my sister to catch up, integrating my Partiful calendar, and setting cadences for workouts/baseball games.

Hey! That’s actually pretty good! I’m very happy with how much I’ve achieved this past year. Good job, Joshua. And that’s not even including other areas of growth like: 80+ pilates classes taken which helped with me being able to visibly see my obliques (?!?!), starting ballet classes, showing up full-time for my baseball team, attending over 50 social events per Partiful, starting a business, unlocking unfamiliar emotions and my 2025 highlight of being in the Macy’s Day Parade!!!

2026 Goals

[draft, aka 1st goal is “Finish list of goals by EOM”].

My 2026 goals are categorized. They will consist of:

  • Physical Goals

    • Finish over 50% of my baseball game weekends feeling “healthy”

      • Over the past few years I’ve had some games where I feel exhausted/physically unfit/dehydrated/ready to quit, and other games where I’ve felt wired and amped. This year I hope to feel healthy at the end of a majority of my games, and not ready to PTFO.

    • Make the all-star team

      • This is a stretch goal as the league continuously gets harder, and I get older, but I think it’s a great goal to have. In order to achieve this, I’ll have to truly earn it, which is a challenge I look forward to.

    • Reach below 16% body fat

      • why the hell not

    • Drink coffee less than 50% of the days.

      • I’ve only really started drinking coffee in the past year, and I think it’s a mood booster and productivity enhancer. I’m also wary of drinking it every day and essentially “raising” my baseline mood.

  • Emotional Goals

    • Be in a positive-energy quadrant more than 2/3rds of the time.

      • Last year, I started tracking my moods every day using the “How We Feel” app. I’d like to say that Joshua is a “happy” person (is this true? I don’t know!), and if I truly am a happy person, then I believe I’ll be able to recognize this more than 2/3rds of the time.

    • Trust my gut more

      • I live a lot (too much) of life in my head. I’d like to live more life trusting my gut instincts. I’d like to try to be present in my feelings more. They’re not mutually exclusive. IDK how to quantify this.

  • Spiritual Goals

    • Accept the unknowable for what it is.

      • I’m wondering how much of my faith is the religion I follow, vs the God I want to build a relationship with.

    • 40 appearances at the CotC prayer room.

      • That’s less than once per week, an achievable goal. It helps make my faith actionable and intentional, going into the city and building my day around going.

    • End the year feeling spiritual growth in some aspect.

  • Financial Goals

    • First Bodyrok studio up and running by September 1

      • Establish over 80% utilization rate over first 3mo

      • Business profit >20K mo post tax/salary/loan payoff

    • Write first check via Pontius Pilates, LLC to Church of the City for an ongoing tithe

      • Building a business with the purpose of improving peoples’ bodies as temples, as well as contributing to the church fiscally.

    • Commit to NYC (or elsewhere) for the next five years. Wow that’s a lot to type on paper. That’ll either come with the Bodyrok studios, or won’t

    • Travel somewhere internationally. This didn’t happen as much last year due to financial constraints as I’m rearing up to put everything I have into a 10yr loan, lol.

  • Romantic Goals

    • ???

      • Scared to not put anything here as if I don’t have goals to achieve, I find myself less likely to find growth in them. Or so it would seem.

  • Social Goals

    • Host a social gathering every quarter, incl. Birthday, dinner parties, picnics, etc.

    • Attend a book club three times this year (which means 3 books read for the purpose of discussion, not just bc I’m interested in them!)

      • First will allegedly be Heart the Lover by Lily King, so off to a great start!

  • Other Goals

    • Shoot/cover/attend NYFW SS27 with Madeline/Midori

    • Shoot another high-stakes sports game on film. Let’s aim for a playoff baseball game or playoff football game.

    • Challenge myself. Let’s push the envelope here. Let’s see how good NYC can get.

    • Finish the Dopamine Nation book by eoFeb and apply to life

      • Primarily use iPod/mp3 player for music, potential transition to dumbphone?

Key Concepts that I want to think about/answer in 2026

Love. What does it mean to love? How do I feel love? How do I show love? What aspects of love can I get better at, what parts of love do I already embody that I haven’t realized? Let’s say I figure all those questions out, then my question becomes “So what do I do with this?!”

Elitism. Winners win, because that’s what winners do. Comparison is a thief of joy, and it’s ubiquitous in NYC. That said, I didn’t move to New York to be passive and let life come as it happens. I like to compete, even moreso I love to win. How do I find humility and presence where I am, but also curate a sense of competition and ferocity in the city I call home? How do I do so in a way that reflects values of my faith?

Presence. I spend more time than I’d like to upstairs. I’d like to spend more time in my heart and in my gut.

As always, go M’s, go Dawgs, go Hawks!

[DRAFT] Integration of Theology into Work - A faith-based business plan for Pontius Pilates, LLC.

Pilates?! You mean the thing that killed Jesus?

Yes, pilates. For when Cross-fit doesn’t work out *groan*

My vocational mission has changed. I was fired from left Corporate America (henceforth referred to as “CA”) in May of 2025. This was actually a blessing as it allows me to take time to reflect on what I actually want to do, which was already a seedling planted in me. I’m planning to franchise a minimum of three pilates studios through the brand Bodyrok, and to root myself in New York City for at least the next five years. In opening three pilates studios over the next few years, I want to be sure that my faith is foundational and intertwined into the aspects of my work. As such, after I heard Jon Tyson’s annual message on career vocation on April 6th, I wanted to be intentional on answering the questions God has for me within the workforce. If labor is an expression of who and what you are, then the piece below should successfully articulate who I am. The following are my thoughts and intentions articulated onto paper, answering Jon’s questions along with aligning my business plans with Praxis Labs’ '“A Rule of Life” and “The Redemptive Business.” By showing with a vision and theology coming into the endeavor, I can comfortably participate with all my heart. I hope the following can directly answer the question of, “How do I take the influence and agency (and resources) that I have, to bless the city of New York?” whilst acknowledging the Long Game of Faith, and that the view of God’s plan did not start, nor will it end, with my work.

What drew you to your work? For the past few baseball offseasons, I’ve challenged myself to exercise in different forms. While I can’t say this was a lifelong calling, in 2022/23, it was working out/lifting weights on a general basis, though I never was great at (nor enjoyed) at cardio. In 2024, I tried boxing at a local, inclusive, LGBTQ+ gym, which I found incredibly both challenging physically and expansive socially. In the latter half of 2024, I also experimented with general pilates because a friend was getting certified and offered 1:1 teaching at an incredibly friendly cost. Thus, in 2025, I began megaformer pilates as my form of exercise, hoping to get the challenge of strengthening my core and hips. I quickly identified two things. The first was the physical realization that I had no semblance of a core. The second was a transformational realization in that snowballed into a business idea. Pilates are popular, they are great for our bodies, and they can be profitable. This realization came right as I was on the verge of quitting my job, which actually ended up laying me off prior to me quitting (complete act of God as I received severance here). I find the entrepreneurial endeavor captivating and so much more life-giving than working a 9to5 in CA. It is more fulfilling and I can sense a stronger innate drive to get things going. Running a pilates business also challenges myself and others to be a better, more fit version of themselves.

What did God have in mind for your kind of work? If I had told freshly graduated with a business major 22 year old me that I would end up in a “health and wellness” space a decade later, I probably would’ve rolled my eyes. At that point in my life, I had no idea of what wellness is, nor did I anticipate myself running a business franchising pilates. However, as I went through my time in the corporate workforce, I’ve now come to the realization that my experience in CA fully matched what I wanted to get out of my career. I never really intended to climb the ladder. All I really cared about was status, getting paid a decent amount to support a yuppie lifestyle, and saying I worked at a cool company. Once those things were met, I became pretty disillusioned with my career and clearly had lost steam. Most of what I had been doing was self-serving and I’m not sure I could point to many (any) facets of it that pointed back to God. Becoming spiritually fit as well as physically fit, I’ve realized that getting into a health and wellness industry is the opposite. While I do intend to keep profitability a primary focus and will most certainly apply my business experience across the journey, there will be also be intent on having a focus on maintaining/improving peoples’ bodies, building spaces communities can thrive, and providing an uplifting perspective on showing up for one’s self. I believe that in reflecting creativity, mindfulness, as well as applying the skills that He gave me, God is pleased with my work.

What do you love about your work? Stepping into an entrepreneurial venture is new to me. While I will be franchising through a larger corporation, I’ll be operating, leading, and perhaps most importantly, fiscally responsible for this. The ownership aspect is extremely intriguing to me as it is something that I lacked in CA. My money, lifestyle, and livelihood will be much more at stake, and I’ve found that to be much more invigorating and driving. Once the studio(s) is up and running, I anticipate finding joy in teaching classes. I think that I have a personality type that will enjoy the teaching, though I have a hunch that female trainers resonate (and thus, drive more business) with the 95% female classes. I also anticipate the challenge of maximizing revenue/profits by utilizing different marketing techniques and designing potential ads. However, what I hope to enjoy most is building a community and remembering clients’ names, reminding them how proud they should be that they show up for themselves, and supporting them in their wellness journeys. I know that I’m amiable, inclusive, and good with people. I expect that those traits will shine and that I will love building the business supporting these facets.

What do you hate about your work? [I’m going to take this a different direction and answer “What do I fear about my work?”] I already know that I’ll find frustration with working with managing other people who may not fully resonate with the ulterior motives of running my business. If a trainer wants to clock in and clock out whilst leading a great class, but not necessarily engaging the community afterwards, I will have to be okay with that. I expect that I’ll stress out of maximizing revenue, and will need to be okay with both gains and losses. In theory, as long as I am able to repay my loans on-time and can service my community, I should be okay with whatever financial turbulence there may be. However, as I know I have tendencies to tie my self-worth to my lifestyle, status, and numbers, I am scared that I won’t be able to be proud of my revenue and profit as much as I’m initially hoping for

What scriptures shape a theology of your work? This section will end up being the largest chunk of the thought exercise. There are a lot, lot, lot of parts of the Bible I can apply to my work, but I’ll focus on seven verses that I find particularly relevant: Genesis 1&2, Exodus 31, Psalm 127, Proverbs 16, Matthew 6, and 1 Corinthians 6, and Colossians 3.

In Genesis 1 & 2, God creates intentionally, creates exhaustively, and creates mankind in His own image. If I am intentionally made in God’s image, then I, too, should strive to create intentionally and comprehensively. Mankind is also ordered to tend to the garden as well as name the plants and animals, immediately after its creation. As such, I think it’s fair to assume that God has tied the concept of working to our (mankind’s) purpose. He could have created a world that is self-sustaining, but chose to bring mankind into the world and to assign it work. In applying this to Pontius Pilates, I aim to pray for wisdom over decisions, and will be thoughtful in creation. I will try to be intentional in interactions with staff, clients, and the corporate team. This looks like treating people with kindness and respect. I’m also noting that this purpose of work and labor was lost with the fall of man, but is redeemed through Christ (Eph 2:10).

Exodus 31 tells us the story of Bezalel whom God called by name. God first fills Bezalel with the Spirit, with knowledge and ability, and with craftsmanship, and tasks him with building the tabernacle. This is a direct example of God blessing mankind with specific skills and giving agency to mankind to apply those skills. Within the chapter is also an acknowledgment that the empowerment of our skills was given to us with the understanding that it is to be used for God’s plans, and not for mankind’s selfish ends. This chapter exemplifies how I will empower my staff to do their best work by highlighting their God-given skills, and I will also acknowledge that I can’t do everything. I will have to trust others to do their best work in designing and creating the studio(s). Lastly, the chapter also highlights the focus of Sabbath, a day of rest. I will ensure that both clients and staff find time to rest and rejuvenate, to support their full wellness.

Solomon writes in Psalm 127 (which parallels Matthew 7) that without God's will and wisdom, human effort is purposeless. Unless I entrust my work unto the Lord, my work will be in vain. In doing this entire exercise, I hope to be building my business with a Godly foundation. No matter how much intent, effort, desire, etc. I choose to put in, if I do not build it with God’s intent in mind, then it will be fruitless. That is not to say it would not succeed by worldly standards, I actually believe that the business model is solid and will be financially profitable whomever runs it. However, my goals building this business are to praise the Lord with my creation, and to worship him by applying my skills, and by building my foundation around Godly pillars, those things will happen regardless of financial success, which I’d like to be my ultimate desire.

Proverbs 16 continues Solomon’s writings in highlighting the dangers of trusting in man’s own plans, and reminds us to commit our work to God. Secondly, it cautions against trusting in selfish desires. It also reiterates how God has intention for everything He created. Human nature will lead us to arrogance and while my ways may seem pure to my heart, my pride will be my downfall.

In the New Testament, the author (Matthew?) reminds us in Matthew 6 to trust in the Lord, and to seek first the kingdom of Jesus and His righteousness. By doing so, all things mankind questions and worries about (sense of security, what we will eat, drink, and wear) will be granted to us. Jesus notes that those who believe in Him and his resurrection have no need to worry about tomorrow. This isn’t a call not to strategize or not plan for the future, rather that with the fear and anxiety that plagues humans, those who trust in God shouldn't allow wallow in useless worry over the future. Putting God’s kingdom first means to continually repent from sin and to lead the kind of sincere, from-the-heart, devoted-to-God lifestyles Jesus asks for. From there, we trust God to provide us with our needs. I can put this into action by entrusting God with my financial future, knowing that I’m tying a significant (basically all) my personal equity and credit into this venture. Trusting in God to provide for me will become more apparent as I take on debt via loans, but by keeping Christ at the center of opening the pilates studios, I can rest assured.

While 1 Corinthians 6 typically used discussing the sexual formation within the church, the human body remains a temple of the Holy Spirit regardless of the context. Our bodies are sacred dwelling spaces for the Spirit and because they were bought with the blood of Jesus through his sacrifice for us, our bodies really belong to Jesus. This may be the easiest scripture to apply to my work, as running a fitness studio directly deals with improving peoples’ bodies and minds. I pray that by running the pilates studios, I can encourage staff and clients to appreciate their bodies, to love their bodies, to improve their mindfulness, and be better in touch with the Holy Spirit which dwells in their (but really Jesus’s) bodies.

Colossians 3 is the seventh and final scripture piece that I will anchor my business around. Verse 12-14 and verse 23 specifically catch my attention here. I’m called to clothe myself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, and above all, to put on love, which binds the formers all together in perfect unity. Throughout building my studios and dealing with clients, I vow to meet them where they are at. I vow to listen, and to treat them with respect as individuals. I vow to care for and stand up for my teachers and staff. I vow to love the people I interact with, which means to protect, trust, and to put aside my own ego and pride. Colossians 3 goes onto remind us that whatever we do, to work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. I vow to put my time and intent into this business, and to intentionally prioritize my faith into it. I vow to evaluate my business metrics through the lens of the Lord, maintaining good healthy stewardship by using resources to benefit others.

Unsurprisingly, a large amount of the Bible can be applied across various aspects of business. With that being said, I will choose to focus keeping these seven scriptures at the forefront of my mind as I buildout this business. Also applicable, Ephesians 2:10.

Where are the ethical tensions of your work? In the fitness industry in particular, I find that clients and staff (whether or not they are Christians) alike can end up putting these two things before the Lord- the first is putting their focus on their body, moreso putting their identity into their physical image. While I promote maintaining a healthy body, humans can too easily obsess over their beautiful imperfections and numbers on a scale, and if they aren’t meeting worldly standards, the goal-setting turns into chasing an identity that tells them they are not “enough” as they are. In a post-resurrection world, humans can accept the sacrifice Jesus made for them and live a redeemed, free life. However, when worldly and unholy goals are set, we lose sight of the freedom we live in and can find ourselves feeling unworthy, even though the price has been paid. Secondly, in business in general, people can put profits before the Lord. As this is my first real foray into entrepreneurial ventures, I’ve yet to personally experience how exactly this will play out in my business model. With that said, I also acknowledge that the profits and business will largely affect the lifestyle I’ll lead, as it is my main source of income. I plan to stay mindful about this by maintaining a tithe, and leaving room on the margins to build out God’s kingdom. This can look like publicizing an amount that I intend to donate each month to the Church, charities, and faithful establishments. This also can be applied by using my resources (tangible assets outside of capital), to advance God’s kingdom.

What are the best practices for people of faith in your industry?

What can you do to release beauty through your work? I think that people working out and keeping their bodies holy by maintaining them is a fantastic way to worship the Creator, if it is done with the Lord in mind. Referencing back to ethical tensions, it is easy for humans to pursue their worldly ambitions for the benefit of man. I vow to remind clients that showing up for themselves (and the Lord) is the best they can do, as opposed to “crushing” a workout. Many a time I’ve left the James (which is what I call the gym but I don’t go often enough to call it the Jim) feeling like I didn’t do “enough”. I will acknowledge and reiterate that showing up for themselves is already the win in the battle. Carving out time to be in the gym is enough, because they are beautiful and enough as they are, but also encouraging them to treat their bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. I also vow to release beauty by

What can you do to resist brokenness in your work? I vow to remind people of the following: 1) they are enough as they are, because while we are sinners, Christ died for us to live redemptive lives, worshipping Him and building out His kingdom on Earth. 2) to keep my finances in mind with a Godly stewardship. To use the resources to

What does excellence look like as a Christian? Doing this exercise, and living it out. I’ll be unafraid to address theological differences and reevaluate my goals and this paper. I think as people experience, learn, and continually grow, their perspectives may shift and they can admit they were right about some things, wrong about others. However, by living a Godly life with the intent behind it, I feel that this business, my work, and my life’s intent are already excellent, and we haven’t even broken physical ground on the studios yet.

With these questions answered, I also want to apply thinking from the Praxis “The Redemptive Business” and “A Rule of Life” playbooks. These two playbooks recognize that there are typically three approaches to the world. The first is Exploitive (take all you can get), the second is Ethical (do things right), and the third is Redemptive (creative restoration through sacrifice). My goal is to run a redemptive business, which means that the innate driving forces behind my business are loving and serving others.

My Redemptive Strategy - What I’m building. This is defined by cultural impact. I vow to develop products and services (fitness classes and a community) that will avoid manipulative sales practices, and to craft a brand of Truth that people are saved and redeemed. I think this is easily stated but difficult hard in practice given that gyms usually are marketed to those seeking status and results. I will aim to develop my business with profitability being a test of value and viability of my classes being able to address needs and capabilities of people made in God’s image. I will create my company’s offerings as artifacts and expressions that are worth our care, excellence, and endeavor.

My Redemptive Operations - How I’m building. This is defined by people impact. I vow to aim to build a deam that helps people experience work as purposeful and relational. I develop my team beyond their contribution to the profitability, but to how they love and treat others. My business model will optimize to not only be profitable, but to also build capital for the Kingdom and for its assets to be used for Godly endeavors. I will steward the people I work with for AND beyond the work of the organization. Additionally, I vow to invite team participation (amongst my personal Cabinet of believers) and visibility into how I use my profits for long-term reinvestment. My business model is made for people, and not people made for a business model.

My Redemptive Leadership - Why I’m building. This is the ambition, worldview, and character behind my work. I vow to surrender personal ambition to God and seek first the good of others. I think this is also easily stated, but when push comes to shove, I’ll have to reevaluate how well I’m following this. With that said, I vow to cultivate gratitude, joy, and humility in the way I lead and serve. I desire to identify opportunities for growth and satisfaction, but I also will acknowledge that the mission of God can advance without myself. I will urgently attend to my own spiritual and moral formation, and will make myself accountable to my personal team.

Throughout my business endeavor, I will also apply a Rule of Life, an expression of community, undertaken in the belief that humans need help from one another to live the lives God meant for us. I will intentionally address my Time, Money, Imagination, Decision-Making, Power, and Community.

Time - I will make time for myself and others to practice a rhythm of work and rest. I will ensure that each of my team members and myself will commit at least one full day every week to rest from daily work.

Money - I commit to give away at least 10% of my gross profit to churches and charities, and will identify specific needs of the materially poor that resonate with me.

Imagination - I vow to establish structured limits of entertainment and screens, and to be mindful while I am at work. I will evaluate the quantity, frequency, and moral character of my entertainment and media intake.

Decision-Making - I pledge to commit to daily prayer and will not proceed through major decisions without actively submitting my own desires to the will of God. I also pledge to maintain an inner peace about the decisions that the Spirit leads me to.

Power - I promise to use the power, status, and influence that I accumulate to generate opportunities and possibilities for those who have less access. I will prayerfully sacrifice certain opportunities to intentionally create pathways for others. I also will acknowledge and practice chastity and fidelity, honoring the men and women whom I work with.

Community - I pursue diversity across class and ethnicity amongst my friendships and relationships, and promote community over isolation and individualism.

The Protagonist

“There are decades where nothing happens; there are weeks where decades happen.”

I hesitate to apply such a quote to my biannual life update given the infamous quotee. Still, a lot of life has seemingly been happening in the past few weeks. I optimistically anticipate much more life to be happening this year, as well. My vision hasn’t changed (per my eye doctor, whom I did in fact consult last week) but I am really seeing life more vibrantly. The greens & blues and shades & hues have intensified as I venture onward into this exciting stage of my life.

In mid-May, I was in the very middle of packing my bags and leaving for a trip to South Korea and Mongolia when I was (unsurprisingly, to myself) laid off from Spotify. Quite frankly, I deserved it; I had been mentally checked out for some time. Every 9mo or so, my therapist and I would note that my interest in working a full-time job in tech had waned, before I either consumed more of the corporate kool-aid and was sated for the next year, or applied for a new job at another company. Working in tech during its peak has been a blessing in many ways. The compensation was always top-notch and the benefits were unmatched. I don’t have a family (hell, not even married) but the insurance coverage, parental leave, fertility benefits, healthcare, etc. were things I tried to take advantage of as much as I could. If I had a family, I imagine I would be a devastated to be leaving Spotify, given how much security it gives a household. The people whom I worked with were operationally efficient; brilliant minds and sound ideas flourished in aesthetic, design-oriented meeting rooms. My two years at Airbnb and to an extent, my two years at Accenture were the same; delicious, free food was in every aesthetic office. Extracurriculars mixed into the journey were incredible events, traveling to other offices, softball teams, being there for big company landmarks, and petting many dogs in-between.

It was a few months ago that I realized I had reached the top. If I were to answer myself a decade ago what my goals in career were, they would be to get paid well, work at a high-status company, and travel for work. I was a status chaser, but didn’t want to work to climb a ladder to director or C-suite, nor become a bajillionaire by creating the next new product. The idea of leading a team fascinated me, but I retroactively interpret that ambition as a people-oriented goal more than a responsibility goal. I’ve reached everything I had desired when I set out leaving college. Within the ebb and flow of my career fulfillings, I’ve always had an entrepreneurial bone in my body. Maybe I was born with it, maybe it’s career apathy-belline (I was most definitely born with it; both my parents are entrepreneurs and now run their own businesses, respectively). I crave more agency, more ownership, more decision-making and want to feel the impact from the results of those decisions. Released from the shackles boundaries of a traditional corporate background, I’ve recognized and realized the time to move. A decade-ish of sitting in a safe nest has passed, and it’s time for me to spread my wings. Fortunately for me, I was pushed out of the nest, but that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to fly.

The firing allowed for the cathartic release of emotions over the next 6 hours of traveling to feel fantastic. While I harbored inklings of hurt, doubt, uncertainty, and anger in the immediate aftermath of the situation, I was able to work through these things while I traveled to San Francisco and rested in a layover. Wisps of fury still come and go, but by the time I landed in Seoul, I could truly say to myself I was comfortable with the situation. I was extremely fortunate to sit in what some call it “the poor man’s first class.” I had an entire row of a plane to myself, which allowed me to lie-flat and sleep for double digit hours; I could truly rest and re-cooperate my body and mind.

My trip to South Korea and Mongolia was more than nourishing. Seoul was for a high school friend’s wedding and as I’ve written before and will write again, seeing the people whom I share my hometown roots with flourish is such a gift. I celebrate them more than they know, and treasure them deeply. I spend a lot of time and put true emotion into my words for them.

Mongolia was an unbelievable experience, as well. I had what was essentially a personal safari about Mongolia, with a driver who took me anywhere I wanted to go. He spoke the language and knew how to get to places, I just got to choose an itinerary. I ended up staying in a Mongolian ger with a nomadic family, and other days traveling the deserts and steppes searching for true wild horses and golden eagles. I am extremely pleased with the film photos that came out; I dare say I consider some of them my best ever.

The couple above were the first proposal that I had ever photographed. Typically, I do not photograph friends’ proposals/engagements/weddings unless they explicitly want me to, because I’m uncomfortable with the weight of the moments, and the risk of missing the perfect moments due to using a slower film camera method. Ironically, I was just recently asked to photograph a different friend’s proposal, the offer with which I grappled internally for some time before accepting. I, and another digital photographer which put me at ease given my fears above, were the only ones who knew the proposal was happening. Even more to the testament of my friendship, he asked me to help him pick up the ring which was delivered to a different state for tax purposes. The brotherhood and intimacy I felt was palpable, and I greatly appreciated the opportunity to spend time with someone whom I admire. People letting me into some of the most meaningful moments of their lives fills my heart, and to be able to capture it on my favorite art form of medium format film makes it even more special.

For the past few years, I’ve tried different forms of exercise to supplement my baseball and softball in the sunnier months. Let’s be honest, baseball doesn’t make me the epitome of health, as it’s more hand-eye coordination than cardio/core based. First, I tried lifting weights and running. I despise running. I ran a half-marathon in my freshman year of college, and hadn’t run more than three miles in one go, since that day (until this week, where I was baited into joining a run club). Last year, I got into boxing and while I loved the workout, I missed the feeling of building and toning muscles. This year, I tried doing Lagree pilates at Bodyrok in Williamsburg, and have stuck with it. What started on a Wednesday at 730am has become a bi-weekly occurrence. I’ve found the workouts hard enough to challenge me, different enough to work new muscles, and enjoyable enough that I don’t mind going. The instructors are kind, explanatory, and make me feel I’m doing a good job.

After a few sessions, I quickly realized, “Hey, these things have to be pumping out money, right?” Each studio is doing 8-10+ classes a day, with a high attendance rate (nearly every class I’m in is over 80% full, most are 100% full). If there are 16 people in each class, and each spot is $35… well, I quickly did the math. I think it’s a profitable business endeavor. I casually looked into what it would cost to open one.

Here I sit, 6mo into pilates later, on the verge of franchising three studios with Bodyrok. I intend to open the first Bodyrok studio in Queens in late fall ‘25, with two more over the next two years, respectively. I’ve put a large chunk of savings into hiring attorneys, incorporating myself as an LLC (four LLCs, to be exact!), and the franchisor (Bodyrok’s corporate entity) and I are awaiting paperwork from the New York State Government to finish an annual review before I can proceed. I’m in negotiations with banks over corporate loans and have learned about the SBA 7a Loan process. Each step I take in this journey has been so much more fulfilling, even though it isn’t ridiculously “hard” work. I’m still filling out spreadsheets, responding to emails, and thinking of ideas to make the future business thrive. If I don’t do it, it won’t get done. If I’m not talking to banks and real estate leasors and attorneys and accountants and insurance agents, and…

It’s up to me. I feel the weight more than I have, because it will be my livelihood. There is an odd juxtaposition between the stress I’ve added to myself vs the stressfree feeling that I now find myself in. I never had definitive plans in San Francisco, knew I wasn’t going to be in Maine past a few months, and have rooted but never set a commitment to New York City. With pilates, I’ve now set in stone at least the next five years of my life. This is the first time I’ve committed that length of time, post-grad, and while it’s constricting in some ways, I feel freed by making the decision.

Life seem more vivid, but my mindfulness has also increased. It’s almost too obvious to find that these things come and go together. I’ve worked for years with my therapist on “feeling” more, and the results have been incredible. I’ve had a feels wheel on my door now for a few years and I try to force myself to take stock of myself whenever I leave my room. During this evolution of self, I’ve witnessed my capacity for emotions grow, and a rise in the saturation of feelings (or, how much I feel them). While I’m becoming so much more in-tune with myself, I’d like to believe there is no ceiling and that life’s richness can continue to be tasted with an exponential increase.

It’s times like these that I realize the role of myself as The Protagonist in my own life. A man sails their own ship, with many corpsmen and crew along the way, but I believe taking the accountability and navigating the waters through your own control is imperative. I refuse to let life pass me by without myself enjoying it as much as I can, and I accept that responsibility. You never know where the Lord has you going, but it’s been a heckuva ride as of late, and I’m excited to keep going.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

'24 Recap, '25 Goals

I wrote this in November 2024

Oddly enough, I’m being quite proactive with this post. Perhaps it is a combination of free time, a desire to write something, and a pride of what I’ve done in the past year. We’ll flesh out this post further but it’s nice to get it started while I can.

2024 Things I’m Proud of

  • Had my best baseball season ever. I exceeded nearly every expectation I set for myself coming into the season, and I made my league’s all-star team. I was more conscious about my hitting, played defense across a multitude of positions, and had some of the best games of my life while friends were attending.

  • I made baseball cards for my adult league team. I was thrilled with how they turned out. I designed them based off of 2022 Topps sets and made one for each team member that I could photograph.

  • Wrote a memoir comprising of two essays (Masculinity, and Happiness), 30 quotes I find interesting, and 10 years worth of film photography that I curated

  • Met with my grandma and recorded conversations about her and my mother growing up. Took her portrait.

  • Attended the NYPL Library Lions Gala with a blind date. I love dressing up in Black Tie attire.

  • Canvassed in Pennsylvania for the Election. Something about feminism, getting involved

  • Donated more money this year than I ever have in my life. This was an intentional effort coming into this year, giving to more causes that I found worthy or invested in. Including friend’s running goals, church tithing, mission trips, and small ways to help my community

  • Took home my largest earnings ever. Mostly due to Spotify stock, but I’m really proud of the number I earned, even if it’s superficial.

  • Advanced my photography to a greater level by photographing sports games and and travels.

  • Officiated the wedding of my two closest friends in New York. I was honored to officiate their wedding in the Bahamas on a cruise.

  • Attended weddings in four states, intentionally sought out time with friends across the USA.

  • Obtained one of what I believe to be the best baseball cards of the 21st century.

2025 Goals

  • Photography project capturing MTA conductors pointing at the signs

  • Photography of friends in boxes

  • Monthly passport pictures at Eliz Digital

  • Video curating my fall outfits

  • More usage of B&W film photography

  • Cooking/hosting monthly themed dinners with friends

  • Surpass six figures in revenue with sportscards

  • Commit to a Core group through church

    • Meaning I actively, intentionally, and mindfully show-up at least 25 times over the year

  • End the year in/having been in a romantic relationship

  • Start, consistently use, and end the year on a GLP1, goal of losing 40 more pounds (already down 10!)

  • Find 20 instances of invested rejection throughout the year.

    • This means I’m challenging and pushing myself in things that matter

  • Attend 4 black-tie events because dressing up is fun

  • Mindfully use my Google Calendar to keep track of my life more

2024 Goals

In Progress. So far:

Put significant effort into a significant romantic relationship. Maybe it’s a couple months, maybe it’s longer, it could even be shorter. I’ve found that in 2023, my romantic relationships, while painful, have been life-giving and something I am excited to put effort into moving forward

Be okay with losing at sports. I can be a hyper-competitive person on a field. When I lose, I can become sulky. I try not to take it out on others but unfortunately have found myself quicker to anger/resentment on the field. I take a lot of pride in my athletic abilities, especially despite my physical stature, and when I’m let down by myself or others, I get frustrated, which, in a meta way, frustrates me. I don’t want to lose at sports, but I will challenge myself to be better at losing when I do.

Look better. It’s a combination of being insecure of my weight and appearance, combined with a desire to take advantage of my physical peak during the lifestage that that is possible.

Feel more. I think this one’s easier. I want to add a “feels wheel” on my door such that, everytime I leave my apartment, I consciously take stock of how I’m feeling.

Earn a promotion and raise. I was actually more intentional about my wording in this one. I don’t want to be given a promotion. I want to feel the accomplishment in earning a promotion, by succeeding at what I do. I’ve lied to myself about taking my career seriously for, frankly, a lot of my career. I don’t need to be an Executive, but I want to take the next step. That being said, I’m okay letting this one go if other priorities take precedent and more time/effort/energy than I expected.